i didn't get into University of Michigan either. but what the hell is in Michigan anyways? bailed out and failing car companies. well screw you Michigan, you can just eat it. you're cold anyway.
on a slightly happier note. i went to the Financial Aid office after the conversation and asked about what would happen to my loans if i took a year off and then went back to grad school. turns out i could defer my payments again. that makes me feel a little better. at least i won't have to worry about paying back loans and trying to get a higher education. at least the banks are hoping for a better education population.
Man, I am SO happy I have this eye appointment coming up soon. Last night I walked down to The Pub to meet up with Stuart and his friends (and Brent returned from New Hampshire!), and realized that there was a lot of fuzzy. I'm going to need to write some things down to talk to the optometrist about. I'm glad I made sure that it was a time when I could bring Stuart with me - because I wanted him to help me pick out my new glasses - but I realized that this is my first exam in two years, so they'll probably do the eye drops that dilate the pupils, so I wouldn't be able to drive myself back.
Last night was a really good time. I listened to some of Stuart's jazz radio show, Heather and I went down to Stammtisch, Kevin cooked BBQ pulled pork in my crockpot for us for dinner (with Eric, Jordan, and Stuart too). We watched the first season of Frisky Dingo and then at 10:30 I went downtown to meet up with Stuart's gang of friends to hang out for some of the Williamsport Mardi Gras festivities. Except that we only ended up having one drink at The Pub and as we were thinking of going down town for the actual festivities, Stuart's nasty cold began acting up, so we came back a little midnight. He instantly fell asleep, poor boy. haha. Usually he's the one who stays up reading while I instantly fall asleep. This time he fell asleep first - and I only ended up reading for 15 minutes.
Tonight the gang's going back out again for more Mardi Gras festivities, and we will definitely join them for that. Heather already left for a party with her peeps at College Park. I've been trying to do homework to get most of the week's stuff out of the way. I'm picking Kat up at the Williamsport Region Airport Wednesday night and I'd like to have all homework for the rest of the week completely out of the way so as to catch up with the German. haha. But having looked at this week's homework, I became instantly lazy - I have a midterm in Hebrew and History for Friday, so our only homework for the whole week is just to study. So of course I immediately lost all productivity and went on the computer. haha. German should be relatively easy, since we're on E.A. Poe right now, which means everything's in English. Though I DO have an essay due for Thursday that I really should get started. What's my other class? Oh yea, ceramics. Erm, that I can just work on during class.
Now I must get to the library to get some quarters for laundry. I think Stuart and I are making spaghetti tonight. yum!
As I did dishes earlier, I thought about how a little cleaning sometimes brings a lot of pleasure to life. Then I think of how nice it would be to not have to worry about work or schooling and just stay home all day cleaning and cooking and what-not. Then I realized how horrible it would be. Women throughout the entire 20th century worked their asses off so we wouldn't be stuck doing that all the time. And not just distant women from the past, but also our own mothers, aunts, and grandmothers, too. What a disservice it would be to give up everything they've worked so damn hard for so that their daughters, nieces, and granddaughters wouldn't have to be cooped up and forced to do what they had to do for so long. Also, I think I would just be bored out of my mind and feel it would be a disservice to myself for not doing something with my life. I think I'd be very unsatisfied with the whole thing.
Not sure what brought that on...
Oh wells. I'm just glad it's the weekend. Today I'm getting beers for Heather and I at Stammtisch (thanks to the Valentine's Day moolah from my momma! Don't worry, momma, that will only be $7, the rest will go to good use, haha), and then Kevin is making us BBQ pulled pork for dinner (with the help of my amazing new crockpot!), which will then be followed by a marathon of Frisky Dingo Season 1. One of Mark and Stuart's friend who left Lyco sophomore year has made a treck down here from Vermont and will be the first time anyone's seen him since! So maybe later I'll go over to wherever they're all hanging out to hi to Brent. He was so cool.
Tomorrow Heather and I are planning on attending a Saturday training session of KENDO! Zazen meditation has literally been the only way that I've been able to fall asleep this week. I might tell sensei that. haha.
Alright, now I have to decide whether to catch up on some late reading for history or chill out with some Harry Potter. Hmmm...I wonder which one I will pick. Wait...our exam for history is next Friday. damnit, I might just have to force myself to do the make-up work.
Aw man, I have two finals next Friday! Guess this weekend will also be spend reviewing Hebrew vocabulary and working on the history study guide...
On another note, my next paycheck after Spring Break is going to be quite hefty! Yay! Finally! On a sadder note, my paycheck this Friday will be fairly nice, but will be instantly leaving to pay for a much needed eye exam for new glasses (it's getting so much harder and harder to see...), my prescription, and Netflix...that's fifty bucks right there. Maybe I can squeeze a few bucks extra out of it for a few beers on Friday at Stammtisch. :) But seriously, a few nights ago I was looking at the TV and my eyes just would NOT focus on it correctly. It was weird.
I also realized that a huge chunk of my next paycheck will be geared towards paying my membership to two national honors societies. Man, that better pay off within the next year, I want a Fellowship!!!!
And Kat's coming next Wednesday! This time next week I'll be driving to the Williamsport airport to pick her up! yay!!!!
Anyways, back to German...in English because we're reading E.A. Poe....
I finally made my eye appointment for my new glasses prescription while I was over at the mall, too. FINALLY I'll be able to see right again! haha.
I'm very proud of myself for keeping up on my pottery, too. I'm finally finished my first coil pot (nearly 3 weeks to do!) and almost finished my decorated tile in one class period! If I hadn't needed to finish painting the coil pot, I would have finished painting the tile. However, I did have to destroy my attempt at the second coil pot. It got too hard, eek! I also found out that it was a little too thin anyways. So I smashed it!! That was fun. But now I have to start all over again. Before class I have to try and make a more detailed sketch for my hard slab design (the bust of Nefertiti in squashed box form!). I have no idea what I'm going to do for my two soft slab pots. *sigh*
And tomorrow's Friday!!!! YAY!!!!!!
But anyways, on to the good: Heather and I had a successful first night on the radio! Yay! And I want to appologize to all my non-Lyco friends whom I invited to our group under the impression they could listen to our show - because I thought you could. Turns out that anyone not on the Lycoming network can't access our radio through the internet link. BOOO, you used to because my parents used to listen to Eric and Jordan's radio show!!!!!! What the hell happened?! I'll have to ask Trish if she knows. So that makes me sad. But it was still real fun. The first hour was a little hectic trying to remember how to get things to play and what to do and how to set up the computer vs. the iPod vs. the laptop vs. the CD!!!! By the second hour we had it all down and everything went great! YAY! Pretty soon we'll actually be able to get some homework done while in the booth? lol.
Needless to say, I didn't have my Hebrew homework finished, but it didn't matter anyways because we never went over it because we ran out of time LIKE ALWAYS. Now I need a shower because Kendo worked up a sweat again today and I'm hoping it'll wake me up a bit. I also need to try to read 80 pages in an hour before class. GO ALLI GO!!!
But because I don't really have the time to put all the pics up (brought to you especially by our photographer, Heather), here is a link to the photos that I've already managed to put up on facebook because it's a hell of a lot faster than Blogger:
Soon Heather and I will be heading out to the Walters Museum for a series of talks on archaeological conservation in Egypt = SWEEEEET! Eric may be joining us, too! Well, he probably won't stay for the talks because I don't think anyone other than archaeology people would be interested, haha. The talks could be pretty boring for anyone who doesn't know about the topic. It's not full of jargon, there would just be a lot of information one would need to know before-hand. For instance, the talks are all about Egypt. I have never been to Egypt, so I've never seen or experienced anything they'll be talking about; Egypt is also not my favorite Near Eastern Culture, so I didn't keep as much info about the archaeology of Egypt as I did about, say, the Levant or Mesopotamia. The last talk we were at, I was a little lost in history when the speaker mentioned the various dynasties because I don't remember their dates. So someone who doesn't know anything about the archaeology of Egypt, probably wouldn't understand what was going on.
But anyways, I'm done. I'll go next door to the boys' room to see what's going down. =)
"No, Alli, he's not moving at all."
"Is he floating at the top of the water?"
"No, he's sitting at the bottom."
"He always does that now, he's fine."
"Is he upside down?"
"No...but he's on his side..."
And there he was, all grey and ashy, eyes bulging, body contorted. *sniff* It was really gross. So I threw a bit of a tantrum and called for Heather, who immediately ran out for chocolate (she was planning on going eventually today because she's been wanting some), and I called Denise and she was like, "oh my god...I'll come over..." Stuart was like, "I'm not going to be the one who sticks their hand into the fish tank to pull out a dead fish, I'm going back to my room..." lol.
So Denise and I had a "burial at toilet". That little fishie has lasted me nearly my entire college career. He was an old fish, and it was about time for him to die. Still sad. So later in the week (maybe Thursday? Or I may wait until I come back from Baltimore this weekend) I'm going to get a new fish. ^.^ Now there's a big bare spot on my bookshelf. :(
Brief back story: Stuart and I have been dating since September of our freshman year here at Lycoming. That's a long time, especially for me. And I've come to really love Stuart - and believe me, the feeling's mutual. haha. But with graduation closing in and our lives seemingly going in very different directions, there has been a lot of thinking, talking, and crying (uh...entirely on my part) about what to do. Well, the rest of this entry is going to be very choppy because I'm cutting and pasting and I have neither the time nor the emotional strength at the moment to go through and make it more sensible or...censored. So here's EVERYTHING that I've been feeling!
I realized something this morning [Friday]. I seem to complain a lot to some people about some things that Stuart does, and that's very unfair to him. He really is a very very good boyfriend and I actually rarely have large complaints about him. He's always there when I really need him and he does many things that I have heard that other guys won't do for their girlfriends (that was not meant to be sexual in any way...). He actually is really good at communicating and whenever he sees me will give me his undivided attention, which is more than I can say for myself. I tend to be distracted and don't always give him my full attention when I really should, but he still puts up with it. I think my big thing about it all is that, while he is possibly the perfect boyfriend for me, he would most definitely not be the perfect husband. I think this causes me to be a bit distant and why I distract myself. I know that the end is coming soon and I really don't want that, so I'm doing things that are just purely unfair to him so I won't feel so devastated come the end of summer when he leaves for Spain and I for grad school. The part that makes me feel worst about it is that he doesn't realize what I'm doing. I need to talk more about this to him, I think.
I love him and I know I will be a complete and utter mess when the end of summer arrives. While I'm positive that it won't be the end of ever seeing each other again, I am sure that it will be the complete end of any kind of romantic relationship with him. I will always be here, he will always be wandering around and eventually circling back home, where we'll meet up again and catch up and reminisce. I just hope I don't drop whoever I may be in a relationship with and run off with him for a bit, which I can see myself doing. But maybe since I realize this, I won't do it? I don't know.
Anywho, after talking with Denise and Melissa Saturday, I realized that my realization of what my relationship is like with Stuart came just in time. Apparently everyone thinks the opposite of how I feel because of how I act when he's not around. That I complain and get frustrated with him, but then the second he calls me I drop everything and leave. Everyone, and especially my brother, think I'm absolutely miserable with him, but will do whatever he says at his beckon call. Not true at all. Yes, I get frustrated with Stuart at times, but who doesn't have these problems in a relationship, especially when it's lasted as long as mine has? People also ask me why Stuart never comes to hang out when I am with my friends. The truth is harsh, and it gets me irritated, but I've voiced this to Stuart and I understand his side. I am friends with loud and obnoxious people. Now wait a minute, that's not a bad thing. That's how Stuart sees it, not how I see it. Stuart does not like loud, rowdy, huge groups of people. To Stuart, a group more than 4 is a LARGE GATHERING. He likes calm gatherings of a few people, playing video games, boozing, maybe playing music. My friends are a bit much for him. I like friends who are a bit in your face and pull you out of your comfort zone just a bit. I would never have broken out of my elementary school shell if I didn't, and I am SO thankful for all that. I also love having an enormous group to eat with for dinner. If I am only eating with maybe only Denise and Melissa, he'll sit with us and eat, but as soon as that 3rd person sits down, he's gone. He just can't handle it. And I don't want him to be unhappy or uncomfortable, so I'm fine with him going off.
I'm so glad that I have Denise to talk to about all this whenever it starts to get bad. Apparently at one point last semester, she was even worried about our relationship, until I talked to her about what I am unknowingly but knowingly doing (gah! Stupid Freud! You really do show up in everything!). But she also said that she confidently knows I wouldn't let myself stay in a relationship that made me miserable. I'm a bit too much of a feminist for that, lol, so I'd like to think I agree with her. But here's what I think of it all: I could care less what everyone else is saying. Heather sees what I'm like with just Staurt because she's my roommate. Denise and Melissa know what I'm like with Stuart because all they've ever known is Staurt and I dating. My friends at home, though you rarely get to see Stuart, I tell you everything. Everyone else can just butt the hell out (unless I talk to you about it). They don't know what our relationship really is like, so they can't make judgements. The only people who really and truely can criticize my relationship with Stuart is my family. Period. They're the only people who know me well enough to know if I'm different for the good or bad. And seeing as they're the only people who will permanently and forever remain with me for sure (though I like to think that I have a number of friends who would be like that, too), theirs is the only opinion I will hold in the highest regard. If my mom tells me she's worried, then I'll think hard about it and discuss it with her. I'm sad that Eric doesn't see it all for what it is because he is my brother. I guess that's just because I assume he doesn't want to hear the mushy stuff...which he doesn't, he's told me. But that means he only will see the upset Alli. Maybe our next car ride home, I'll talk to him about it.
Despite all this, Stuart and I had an extremely pleasant weekend together. It really rejuvinated things and I managed to even talk to him a bit about what Denise and Melissa told me. I appologized to him for it, and he appologized to me for causing the frustration in the first place. We came up with a little plan to make things less aggrevating for the future. Only one thing came out that we both didn't "agree" on. I don't want to use "agree" but that's not the word I want. But I thought we'd stay together until he left for Spain - he thought we were breaking up right after graduation. I'll make him come to my side, lol. It won't be hard.
I sort of told my mom about this, too, over the weekend. She's always asking me now how Stuart and I are doing since I told her that we were definitely breaking up. She says she's very proud of me for looking at it all so level headed. I just wish it were easier and made it hurt less.