31.3.09
Getting over it...
30.3.09
Feeling...Lost
I've talked with professors, I've gone to networking events, I've put myself out there, but I feel like all the answers I've been given is, "You're a good student, you go to a good school, you have good interests, you'll get there." And I'm SICK of hearing it! I KNOW all that! I've been told it for years! But what the hell can that REALLY get me?!
You know what I really want to do? Fall off the earth. I want to crawl into a cave and just sit for a gooood loooong while, and I want to be left completely alone. I've never ever wanted that before. I've always thought of how nice that would be for like...a day. Then I'd feel lonely. But right now I'm desperate for an escape. A really long escape. I just don't want to deal with all the bullshit anymore. I don't want to get a job because, frankly, I can't think of anything that I'd really enjoy. I don't want to reach my full potential right now. I want to wallow. No, not wallow. I want to search deep deep deep within myself, and that's going to take a lot of seclusion. Completely and utterly alone, with nothing connecting me to the outside world. Maybe I'll put myself up in a Buddhist monastery for a few months, where I can meditate and think about what my place is in this crazy fucked up world because I'm lost.
I always knew that my most comfortable place was school. I always hated doing a "job". So I always just assumed I'd always be in school until I became a professor. But that doesn't look like it's happening. So...now what? What do I really want to do? I want to spend time at home. But I want to go away from everything. I want to do some help with the world. But I want to re-figure myself out. I want to keep learning. But I feel oh-so done with school. I just don't want to do it anymore.
26.3.09
More Opportunities?
CRM: I'm not sure what it stands for, but informally it's known as Salvage Archaeology, Rescue Archaeology, or even sell-your-soul-to-the-devil-archaeology. haha. It's a requirement by the Federal Government that any type of major construction MUST employ archaeologists to survey the site for some kind of "historical integrity" before breaking ground for construction. It's bitch work, but hey, it's also archaeology. Dr. Davis (hehe, I hope that's what my name will look like) said it was also some of the best 12 years of his life. You're sent all over the country and learn so much about American history and/or Native American culture. If you find a good place, you're salaried (though not much) with permanent benefits AND you're working for the government, so you get government benefits AND a credit union! woop woop! Plus, you're given a travel stiped of a small amount for hotels and food. Sounds like a great deal to me!
He also told me that my specific interests in ancient Mesopotamian languages couldn't have come at a better time because all the big names are dying out/retiring, so I could pretty much consider myself the world leading expert once I finish a dissertation. Sweet deal! Now I just need to get in to grad school!!
I also told him my new interest in Internation Peace and Conflict Resolutions and he said, "Archaeology, Conflict Resolution, they're pretty much the exact same thing. In fact, in Cypress' Fullbright Program right now, we only have Archaeologists and Conflict Resolutions people." He suggested I look into Georgetown for that.
Then Heather and I talked to Dr. Knauth this morning. That was extremely helpful! She told us to go talk to the schools (i.e. UPenn and Johns Hopkins) about getting in under "special student" status. We'd have to pay the tuition and wouldn't be under a program, but we'd be in the school and taking classes, and if we performed well, we could get into the program for the next year with tuition assistance. She also told us to look into volunteering at the local museums (i.e. UPenn's Anthropology and Archaeology Museum and the Walter's Museum in Baltimore). I will DEFINITELY be going to UPenn to talk to them then. My momma told me to send a follow up letter to these schools, and this would be just one step up from that. Go to them and ask them specifically why I didn't get in.
Well, now it's time for breakfast. I'm hungry!
24.3.09
Just Pondering...
Dr. Knauth also just sent me something interesting (through Facebook, nonetheless, haha) about getting an online MA in Museum Studies through Johns Hopkins. That would be interesting too, though I'm a little warry of online courses, just because I'm such a hands-on learner. Being in class motivates me, and if I don't have to go to a physical place, I'm afraid it'd be hard to make myself do it. haha.
I also took up one of my dear momma's suggestions about looking into Arcadia's International Peace and Conflict Resolution MA degree. It doesn't look like I'd meet a lot of the criteria, but I think it's nothing that I couldn't quickly gain or substitute with what I already have - mainly they're looking for a basic humanities BA with some time spent abroad...which I basically have. However, I do need some political science courses. But I wouldn't mind that at all. Plus I'd also be with ma cousine for a year! hehe.
So now my list consists of:
- teaching English in Asia somewhere
- Peace Corps/New Community Project
- online MA in Museum Studies with Johns Hopkins
- Fulbright
- Arcadia's International Peace and Conflict Resolution
22.3.09
My New Haircut! Relay for Life and Hair Donations!
Denise was up first...
Later there was a scavenger hunt. Here are some pictures as a result of the silly game:
Denise panted Melissa's face to make the night a little more amusing...
They had the Roommate Game, which is like the Newly Wed Game. I signed Denise and I up for it. We got I think 3 wrong...I got more wrong than Denise. :( But we got all the really hard questions correct! Like, what tangeable thing best describes you? Denise: Panda, Me: Squirrel. woop woop!!! We laughed every time we got it right.
Final picture of Denise's hair cut...
Final shot of my hair cut. Oh, I'm drawing the squirrel and panda hugging! lol.
18.3.09
Good News and Bad News
I went to our Career Development Center to look up information about teaching English in other countries. I think it'd be neat to go back to Germany and do that. But really I'd be happy going anywhere...I just sort of know the language of that country already. Though I'm very willing to learn whatever language, so it doesn't matter to me. Of course, there are a few places in the world right now that I'd rather not be just because of current events, doesn't mean that someday I wouldn't like to go there.
I've also been thinking about this New Community Project thing. Every year LEAF invites this guy David Radcliff to come and talk to the campus about environmental and human rights issues - since most times they go hand-in-hand. The New Community Project takes volunteers to bad-off parts of the world and they try to make things a little better for one community, like bringing running water from the stream at the bottom of the mountain to the top of the mountain where the village is using only physics and no electricity. Or bringing sewing machines so a village as a way to bring itself extra income during a drought time. Or figuring out a way to irrigate the fields more effectively while reducing the amount of water used. I wouldn't need to be the person to figure this out, just the person who helps get it done.
I don't know, now that I'm not sure what to do with myself, doing something good for the world first-hand seems like a good idea. I've always been interested in doing this, but I've always been a little scared and used my rigidly-planned-out life as an excuse not to. But I think this time I'm going to do it.
I guess that's it. I've been feeling a little better, health-wise. I don't feel crappy anymore, I just cough, sniffel, and sneeze a lot. It's just annoying now. I've been chugging water, drinking tea, taking tylenol, and taking vitamin C tablets and it seems to be working.
15.3.09
The next morning the nose cold moved into my throat. boo. But we shot his rifles at some soda bottles (I had some super excellent shots, by the way) and it was Stuart's first time shooting a gun. He damn near became adidicted. lol. We came back and I went to the fancy Multicultural Awareness Group's International Dinner. It was really nice. The food was super delicious. But then I really felt like crap and started coughing. I talked to my momma afterwards because it was seeming like what she had right before Eric and I came back. She said hers turned out to be bronchitus. Great. So I'm skipping my gym class tomorrow and I'm going to health services instead. I took some Nyquil last night to help me fall asleep (at 11) but I woke up 5 hours later and couldn't breath out my nose at all. My throat was real scratchy, too, so breathing in through my nose kept making me cough. I didn't fall back asleep until 5am and then I kept waking up because I couldn't breath. It was horrible!!!
And now I'm talking to Jordan, who said that Susan bitched him out last night because we went to the cabin instead of taking Kat to the airport. We had planned the cabin trip because we wanted Kat to come with us. It wasn't until we'd settled everything that we found out that she was leaving Saturday and not Sunday - just a mistake in talking. Susan apparently got real mad at him, as if we did that because we didn't want to say good bye to Kat or because we hate her or something. Maybe her and Kelley shouldn't have cooped her up in their room and not allowed us to do stuff with them while she was here. The only times I was able to even make plans with her was when we ran into them in the caf - Susan and Kelley wouldn't respond to my IMs and Susan never mentioned any plans they were making when we were in class. Oh wells. For now I'm just gonna worry about getting better and doing some homework in case I miss any classes this week. I don't want to start falling behind.
3.3.09
Finally Home!
Yesterday was really nice. Everyone had a snow day, including my mom and dad, since they couldn't get out our enormous, dangerous-when-icy driveway. lol. It was a really nice time with the whole family - a nice surprise. We played UNO together at one point. Oh my God, my brothers are INSANE. It finally got a point where my mom had to sit in between Matt & Paul, who were starting to get carried away. Then after three rounds (my dad won all three!!!) my mom was like, ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH! They were getting rambunctious and very annoying with their noises. Eric was like, "Yea, give us some peace and quiet and go play your pipes and drums!" OMG we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt! It was so funny. At least when they play their pipes and drums there's a rythm involved that makes it not so horrible to stand. hahaha, it was a good time.
Though once dinner came, we all started to get a little annoyed with each other. My dad said, "Oh my God, now I know why I go to work everyday!" lol. I got a bit of grading done, too. We watched No Country for Old Men and then Apollo 13. My mom didn't really like No Country for Old Men, which I expected. It is a strange movie, but I think it's a really nice movie, too. Pretty.
Apparently I slept really well last night. My dad woke me up at 7 and I bolted up. I didn't even hear him come in and sit down on my bed until he said something to me. He was like, "Ooo! You were out cold!" That was to tell me that I had to take Paul in to school and that they had a two hour delay. So I went back to sleep for another hour and a half and woke up to the sound of a mouse scurrying up the wall. Man that gave me the shivers!
Oh, walls remind me - I finally got my birthday present from Grammom! She said she had something special for me this year. And it was! It was this huge world map in a beautiful frame! It came with PINS! Red pins for everywhere I've been, Blue pins for my dream locations, Yellow for my next trip, and Green for my favorite place. There's even a little plaque (not plague! lol) in the corner that says, "The World Travels of Allison Davis"! It's the best present I ever got!
Oh, time to take Paul to school!!!!! WANT COFFEE!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update: I forgot to mention this since it happened. Friday before I left I got my letter from Johns Hopkins. Well, I didn't get in, but it was at least a nice rejection letter. I'll copy it exactly as they wrote it:
"Dear Ms. Davis,
"I regret to inform you that we are unable to approve your application for admission to doctoral study in our department. Each year we receive applications from many more qualified candidates than the number we are able to fund (only a few actually). This year our application pool was extremely strong and the economic climate somewhat dire.
"I realize that letters such as this are tortuous to receive. Please do not interpret this letter in an overly negative light. You have amazing skills and abilities, and the department that is able to secure your admission will be fortunate indeed.
"We are grateful for your interest in our department, and we wish you every success in finding a congenial setting in which to pursue advanced study.
"Please accept my best personal wishes for your future endeavors.
"Sincerely,
Ted Lewis, etc..."
~~~~~
At least they made it sound like they wanted to accept me. But now I'm feeling desperate to find something to do after graduation. My chances of getting in to UPenn are looking slimmer and I did not properly plan for something like this to happen. Now I'm panicking about what my life is going to do. One thing that I've been thinking about is something like the Peace Corps. I've always thought about on a mission or doing something to help the people in third world countries first-hand, but I never thought I'd have the time to spend on it because my life plans were always pretty immediate. Now it looks like I may have the time to do this. Best part is that my loans will continue in deferment for time spent in the Peace Corps! woop! I think I'm also going to start looking in on teaching English somewhere. Denise said she found a government funded something where they send you somewhere (you sort of have a choice, but not entirely) to teach English. They find a way for you to learn the language there, pay your airfare and apartment, and will even give you a bit of a stipend along with your pay for teaching English. If it's government funded, then I expect I'd also get loan deferments.
Just something that's been running through my mind since coming home.
Tonight Eric and I leave for DC and I might try talking to Denise about what she's found so far for teaching English. As for now i think I'm going to get some grading done.